For what will you sacrifice your reputation?

In reading about the life of Jesus, there's one thing I know for sure:  Jesus didn't really care about His reputation with the religious establishment. 

He loved the people of God's church.  But He didn't define His ministry by what they thought.

• If He did, He never would have allowed a sinful woman to wipe His feet with her tears.
• He never would have dined with tax collectors.
• He never would have protected an adulterous woman.
• He never would have allowed His disciples to pick grain on the Sabbath.

I imagine Jesus saying, "I don't have time to be bothered by your man-made rules.  I'm about my Father's business of searching for the lost and bringing them home."

I've spent most of my life peeling away the traditions of man to follow the calling of God.  It hasn't always been easy.  And I'm so far from where I want to be.   Even still when I hear God's voice in my ear to do something "risky,"  I hear another voice saying, "What will they think?"  

Will it tarnish my reputation?
Will it diminish my impact?
Will it cause someone to stumble?

While I care deeply about those three things, I care more about obeying God's call - whatever it looks like.

I wrote in my devotion running on P31 and Crosswalk about a time I had to choose where to sit.  That was a simple example of a bigger principle I grapple with - laying down my pride to be obedient.  This takes many forms in my life, not just who I hang out with at a reception. 

Last year I did something very risky for an author - I decided to not pursue a speaking ministry at this time.  It was an agonizing decision because non-fiction authors really should be out speaking to promote their books.  I felt like I was letting my publisher down, and I worried what it would do to my career and my reputation as an "expert."

But God clearly told me to lay it down in favor of my family.  If you've read my blog for any length of time, you'll know my husband and I have five teenagers at home.  Two of our children have significant cognitive and emotional needs. And I'm kind of the calming glue around the house.  When I leave, there always seems to be a meltdown.  For now, I need to be home more, especially on the weekends. 

The good news  is God is is already making ways for me to market and promote my writing without having to travel.  I'll share more in the coming months about that.

I've wrapped up my reputation and layed it in the hands of Someone I trust many times.  And He always cares for it tenderly, protecting it on my behalf.  He's my defender when the whispers of judgement slither past. I imagine Him standing firm between me and judging eyes.  And I also hearing Him challenge me to go further ... to be braver ... to risk more for loving the lost ... to care more about Him than my reputation. 

Now it's your turn.  Have you ever risked your reputation to obey God?  What did you do?  

I've got two copies of Lysa TerKeurst's book "Radically Obedient, Radically Blessed" to give away to two people who post a comment.  I'll announce the winner on Monday. Please make sure to leave a way to contact you - or check back if you want to post anonymously.  I'll choose at random and include the posting time.

Also on Monday, I'll be announcing a contest to win a scholarship to She Speaks.  You won't want to miss this contest if you are a writer.

Thanks for joining me today.

In His Love,
Glynnis

That's easy for you to say!

There are two things in the Christian life that are 100 times easier to say than do:  loving and forgiving others. 

Even though God is all about love, and we are the recipients of that extravagant love, why is it so hard to love or forgive some people? 

I've got a devotion running on Proverbs 31 and Crosswalk.com today about loving well.  Any time I write about the importance of loving others, it seem God tests me on it.  In fact, this seems to be one of the most common tests of my life.  God doesn't want me writing from a place of ease, but from a place of battle experience,  And this thing of loving and forgiving others feels like a battle at times. 

Getting along with people isn't my issue.  I get along with most everyone.  But that doesn't seem to be enough for God.  In fact, He's always pushing me past superficiality.  Actually, God cares so much about how I love others, that He has put a very difficult person to love in the middle of my life: my daughter.

This isn't something I write about often, partly because I don't want her to know the depth of my struggle.  But the Lord is prompting me to be vulnerable here.  So, I will leave this post up for a little while, then delete it so she never accidentally reads it years from now.  And trust God with this one.  So here's what you don't see from reading my blog. 

Five years ago, we adopted two little girls from Africa.  My husband and I clearly heard God's call to bring these beautiful children out of war-torn Liberia and into our home.  Our three boys were fully on board, and we started this journey with high hopes.  It didn't take long for the "honeymoon" to end.  At ages 8 and 10, our daughters were already damaged by their early lives.

Our oldest one, Cathrine, has cognitive damage, and will never catch up to girls her age.  We don't know what her future holds. Our youngest has emotional damage, which is actually more difficult to deal with.  It's this daughter who presents the daily challenge for me.  You see, because of early abandonment, my daughter doesn't trust adults.  This leads her to constantly choose her way over an adult's way, which manifests itself in lying, sneaking and generally betraying trust - daily.  Her responses are irrational, and her thought processes unhealthy.

Mentally I understand and have compassion.  We are in therapy now, and are learning how to parent a child with what is called Reactive Attachment Disorder.  Emotionally, I struggle.  At times it feels like God plopped an enemy in the middle of my camp.  It's hard to sacrifice so much of your life for a child who offers back rejection and deception.  It's painful to see what it does to our entire family - and I balance feelings of protectiveness for everyone else   There have been many days when I've cried, "Why did you do this to me? Haven't I served you faithfully?  Why didn't I get an easier assignment???"

That's when I realize I've got things mixed up.  God didn't do anything to me.  Instead, God entrusted me with two broken children who need love and care.  And it wasn't a random selection - it was intentional.   My strong-willed little girl could have steam-rolled over lots of other women.  But she met a brick wall in her mama. 

Every day I stand with my feet firmly planted and choose to believe God's truth over my own emotional responses.  And I make a choice to love a little girl who is hard to love.  But I'll be honest ... my emotions don't always match my decision.  I don't feel "loving" at times.  But I will not let my negative emotions dictate my choices - especially when they would lead me into a life not blessed by God. 

I've got a long way to go in learning how to love those who are hard to love.  I'm in full battle mode.  Please don't think I've got this figured out.  There are days I go to bed berating myself for how I reacted to her.  That's when I confess it all to God, every ugly thought, and ask for forgiveness, and plead for His help to love one who is hard to love. 

So, now you know one of my biggest struggles.  Can you be just as vulnerable? Are you dealing with someone who is hard to love?  Or, have you learned some things that could help the rest of us?   I'd love to hear your thoughts.

In His Love,

Glynnis

Why we should attend funerals

The truth is, most of us don't like funerals.  We'd really rather not go. They remind us of our own times  of grief and loss, and deep inside, they remind us of our own mortality.  We'd much rather go to a wedding.  Now, those are fun.  Festive.  Everyone is happy.  Not like a funeral.

Yet, if one Saturday afternoon I have to choose between a wedding and a funeral, I should attend the funeral.

Older people understand this.  They understand the crushing aloneless that comes with loss.  They understand, but can't explain,  how much the touch of someone's hand means when grief has isolated them.  They know that showing up matters more to someone in a time of loss than in a time of happiness ... everyone shows up then. 

Showing up in times of loss says more than a card ever can.  No eloquent words are necessary.  Just a presence.  A hand on a shoulder.  An unshredded tissue passed at the right time.  A gentle touch wiping a tear from a cheek.  A simple, "I miss her too."

This past weekend my sister Liz and I drove from Phoenix to Sacramento (13 hours) to attend the funeral of my Aunt Betsy.  Betsy married Uncle John, my father's brother.  Uncle John is about 83, and my cousins John and David were there.  At the cemetery, Uncle John sat in the second row, and my sister and I sat next to our cousins in the front row.  As we sat down we heard our precious uncle say with pride:

"Those are my nieces from Arizona."

His companion, an older woman, responded appropriately, with shared pleasure and expressed amazement that we could come from Arizona for this. 

Uncle John said, "Isn't it wonderful?" 

If I ever doubt whether my presence makes a difference at a funeral, I will remember that in his grief, it really, really mattered to my uncle that we showed up.  And, in retrospect, it mattered who showed up for my father's funeral.  Showing up is a gift of love that never wears out. 

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Now for an abrupt change of subject, I did pick a winner from the comments on my blog regarding autumn smells:   Jillnco from The Powers that Be.   Please email me directly at editor@proverbs31.org as I couldn't seem to post a comment on your blog.  Thanks for everyone's comments. I loved reading them.

In His Love,
Glynnis

Why is judgement so easy??

Recently, my family left our church of ten years.  It wasn't a swift decision, nor one made from anything anyone did.  It's just that our church changed over time.  We still love that church, and the people there.  But we feel a bit like Abraham ...  following God's leading without a clear destination.

As we visit churches, I'm finding an old enemy rearing its head in my heart:  judgement. 

God has convicted me of this dangerous sin over the years.  Because sadly, it comes quite easily to me.  It's starts with being quite opinionated.  About everything.  On one hand,my strong opinions keep me committed to my values and devoted to what and whom I love.  I'm steadfast and loyal. 

On the other hand, I can be critical. 

Because I'm opinionated, I even have an opinion about being critical:  it's really yucky because it keeps me from loving fully and being used by God fully.

So, my goal is to capture every critical thought before it sneaks past my mind and into my heart.  You see, those initial thoughts aren't sin.  It's what we do with those thought.  It's letting critical thoughts marinate, and then season our choices of words and actions, that gets us into sin.

Back to the church visiting.  I find I've got more opinions than I realized about music.  Which isn't surprising since I've sung on worship bands for decades.  But I've found myself critiquing the quality of the band and vocalists more than I should. 

We've found one church we really like, but my husband and I both wish the worship band was a step-up in quality.  This morning, I was thinking again about it and started considering what I would change if given a chance. 

Before I could think another thought, God spoke clearly to me:  What if I want it like that?

That effectively stopped my negative thoughts and redirected me.   What if God wants that worship band just like it is?  What if He intentionally called those people, at this time, to this act of service for a reason?  Who am I to question His decisions?  Or to judge His appointments?

Really, this question is good for me to remember when someone does something differently than I would. 

God put me back into a place of following instead of trying to lead. And He stopped judgemental thoughts from going too far.  If God decides to use me again in worship, it will be His choice.  I know from experience He won't use me with thoughts like that. 

So this morning I got a little talking-to from my Heavenly Father.  He was gentle as always.  And I needed to remember that God's doing just fine without my opinionated help.  

In His Love,

Glynnis

 

Why judgment is so ugly.

Thank you to everyone who posted a comment on my blog in the past few days.  I'm delighted to announce that "V" won the book "Live a Praying Life" from my post on Wednesday.  I posted a comment on your blog, but in case you miss it, please send me your full name and address.   On Monday, I'll announce the winner for Rachel's book.

I knew posting about sin would stir some questions.  I think the one most of us ask is: How do we separate hating sin from hating the sinner?  And, are we supposed to separate ourselves from those who don't follow Christ or be in the midst of it all?

Jesus made it very clear we aren't to judge others.

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?'"  (Matthew 7:1-3 NIV)

The key word here as I read it is "others."   It's not our job to judge people.  It's our job to love them.  And I don't think we can truly love people when we judge them.

Loving people is hard enough because people can be so annoying.  Especially when they don't think like me.  I am so much more loving, and reflect  Jesus when I'm alone.   But, I've always thought we are in a Jesus Boot Camp here on earth.  We are learning to love like Jesus, and it's tough, tiring and we are going to get dirty.

The staying apart bit at times must be physical if there's a temptation to sin.  But otherwise, we've got to be in the middle of the mix.  Jesus celebrated at a wedding, and the wine ran out ... what does that tell you about that party?  In fact, He performed His first miracle there.

To end my post, I want to share a story about a time I was judged.  It was really unpleasant. And taught me a great lesson.

Teaching our first-born son to drive was a learning experience – for him and me! After taking short trips on side roads, I decided Josh was ready for the “big time.” So we headed to Costco after school on a main thoroughfare. Since I don’t normally drive at that time of the day, I was unprepared for the amount of traffic. Josh was doing well until the light turned red just as he was pulling up to make a right turn. Since traffic was heavy, he was already going slowly, but instead of stopping, I could tell Josh intended to keep going.

“Stop, Josh,” I said quietly as the car kept rolling.

“Stop, Josh” I said a little louder. The car kept rolling, although it did slow. In a split-second, I could tell Josh was going to turn right on a red and I could see oncoming traffic starting to move. Why wasn’t Josh stopping? I started to panic.

“Josh STOP!!” I yelled, and he slammed on the brakes.

“Mom, you’re freaking me out,” Josh gasped.

“Josh, you’re freaking ME out!” I answered as we both sat there in shock. Josh explained that he thought I meant for him to slow down when I said “stop.” I didn’t have time to sort out his thought process on that one, because just then the light turned green and Josh turned right … legally and safely.

I told Josh I was sorry for yelling at him, he said he was sorry he didn’t listen to me and we were back on good ground. At least I thought so until seconds later a young guy who had been behind us at the light, pulled up on our left and motioned for us to roll down the window. Thinking there was something wrong with a tire, we did and he said, “Hey, if you are going to act like that, take your sticker off your car.” Then he sped off.

Josh was shaken and I was just plain mad. I knew he was talking about our church window decal and I alternated between anger at his judgmental attitude and shame that someone might think badly about God because of a driving incident. But anger was the predominate emotion. I couldn’t stand that someone would judge me or my son without knowing anything about us.

I stewed over that the whole day, until God started speaking to my spirit about a judgmental attitude I’d had earlier that week. Something had happened at church that I let bother me. It wasn’t a sin issue, merely an oversight on someone’s part. But it concerned me. In fact, I had worked it up in my mind their lack of attention was wrong and I was going to tell someone about it. For days I thought about how to say it and to whom. Then this happened.

I’m confident God allowed me experience the bitter side of judgment so that I would see how hurtful it is. My judgmental attitude at church was hindering my love and compassion for others.

That was a wake-up call for me to guard judgemental thoughts about people.  It must really hurt God's heart when we do that to each other. 

Thanks for joining me today.   What do you think about this?  Have you ever been judged?

In His Love,
Glynnis

Why not freaking out is good

I'll be honest, painfully honest.   I have a history of shutting people down with my fast responses. 

Twenty years ago I sat across the table from a friend as she shared some marriage challenges.  Instead of being compassionate, understanding or allowing her to get it out, I was quick to offer her what I thought was the biblical response.

It pretty much shut her down. 

The conversation ended awkwardly and I felt horrible.  From that point on, I vowed to listen more than speak, and reserve my opinions for the right time.  Which meant seeking God's will, rather than feeding my own "need" to be heard.

God worked in me and I've seen amazing changes in myself.  Then I became a parent of teenagers. It was like some crazy "freak out" gene flared to life.  Instead of practicing what I learned many years before, I let my opinionated inner self reign!

And pretty much shut down my kids.

I'll admit most of it was fear driven.  If they even hinted curiosity at anything that fell outside my moral perimeters, they were "treated" to my arsenal of opinions and beliefs.  I justified my reactions by saying I was teaching my children right from wrong.  But I was really closing doors to communication.

A few years ago, I put myself back in school, and started to retrain myself to not react quickly.

Yesterday, something happened that showed my change in reaction is paying off.  My middle son asked me a very loaded question.

"Mom, would it be wrong to use a drug that is legal but had the same affect as an illegal drug?"

Pause.  Silence.  I'm collecting myself.  Breathe.  Breathe.

Now all you mommas out there are probably thinking exactly what I was thinking. "WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT???  DO YOU WANT TO USE AN ILLEGAL DRUG?"

But this son didn't deserve my paranoid response.  He's never given me reason to question his integrity.  He deserved a calm answer from a mom who trusted him.  

So I gave him a simple answer to a complex question.  No lecture. No interrogation.  No fear-based response.  And the day went on. 

It's my prayer that he'll trust my response next time he has a hard question.  I've blown it so many times, I'm thanking God for a glimmer of hope. 

In His Love,
Glynnis

The Importance of Loving Well

Year ago, my church had an interim pastor.  He was a kind man, a pastor in his retirement years who was serving as the pastor while we searched for someone to replace a new one.

While I thought he was a wonderful person, I quickly grew tired of his sermons.  Everyone of them ended with the same message:  love one another.

That's a great message. But it didn't seem like the answer to everything back then.

Now I'm not so sure.  I think he was on to something.

The older I get, the more I realize the importance of loving others well.  I'm learning that inside every person is a little girl or boy who wants to be loved.  They want to know that someone sees them ... really sees them ... and loves them.

Yesterday, I read 1 Corinthians 13.  Normally I read the part the defines love.  But yesterday, I read the introductory passages, verses 1-3.

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."

So, I can be the best keeper of my home, but if I don't love my family well, it is just a show. 


I can be the most proficient editor, but if I don't love my editing team, it's an empty offering.  


I can be the most talented ministry leader, but if I don't love my volunteers, it's nothing.


I can talk a good game, but if I'm not loving others well, I'm just an annoying, clanging gong.  And I'm old enough to remember the Gong Show and that's not what I want to be.


This call to love others well is my second greatest calling - just under loving God well.  


It's not always easy, especially when it's not  returned in the way I think it should be.  But that's the interesting thing about God's commands - they are never dependent on what anyone else does.  


Yet the rewards are amazing when I don't worry about that.  When I'm sowing love, God reaps a harvest in the right season.


In His Love,
Glynnis

Happy Valentine's Day

Welcome! If you are visiting after reading my devotion, "Every Yes Involved a No," I'm glad you stopped by. I'm posting two thoughts today. The first are some goal setting tips, and the second is a devotional about love.

The best acronym I've ever heard for goal setting is to make them SMART.

S - Specific. Make sure your goal is very clear and focused. For example, "lose 5 pounds by Easter" is very specific. But "lose weight" is not.

M - Measureable. I can measure the goal to lose 5 pounds by Easter. Come April 4th, I can I'l know how I did.

A - Attainable. Is the goal realistic, safe, healthy, etc? For the weight loss, I think it is. If I had said "lose 20 pounds by Easter," that would have be unrealistic given my history, commitments and the reality of my life.

R - Realistic. This is connected with the attainable thought.

T - Timely. Setting goals with a deadline helps keep you motivated. You can always set a new one once you've achieved the first.

I hope this helps you with your own goals, now on to the love devotional, and some thoughts on Valentine's Day.

Valentine's Day isn't really big around our house. I won't get any flowers, cards or candy. And that's okay. You see, my "love language" isn't gifts. In fact, it isn't touch, words of affirmation, or quality time either. My love language sits squarely in the middle of acts of service.

When my husband picks me up a Starbucks on his way home from his morning small group, I'm filled for the day. I couldn't feel more loved than when someone picks up their clothes from the ground, joins me in the kitchen or washes my car.

Today, my friend Rachel Olsen is doing a blog carnival about love. I thought it would be fun to participate, so I'm sharing a devotion I wrote a few years ago, that really demonstrates love to me. The son in this devotion is now 14 and a freshman in high school. Since he's my height, he doesn't quite snuggle on my lap anymore. But he's still a hugger. With pleasure I share:

Love Initiates

“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38

My 9-year-old son Robbie was ready for bed. Complete with Sponge Bob sleep pants and slippers he climbed onto my lap with a blanket, ready for a snuggle.

In the January evening, my hands were quite cold; too cold to touch his warm skin, or so I thought. As he nestled against me, I tucked my hands under my legs to keep from touching him with my icicle-like fingers.

“Robbie,” I said, “watch out for my hands, they’re cold.” He ignored my warning and burrowed his hands down between the chair and my leg searching for my hands. “Really Robbie,” I continued, “I’m very cold.”

“I know Mommy,” he countered as he pulled my hands up and placed them on his bare chest. “I’ll warm you up.” He covered my cold hands with his warm ones and snuggled closer. Within minutes I could feel his warmth seep into my hands.

He got up once and when he returned he repositioned my hands back to his chest. I felt the coolness of his skin where my hands had been, and was grateful for his sacrifice. Within minutes we were both warmer than before.

I believe God used my sweet boy to paint a picture of the love His children should show one another. Do you have cold hands? Mine are warm; grab hold. Are you hungry? My pantry’s full, here’s a bag of groceries. Are you getting tired of packing? I’ve had a good night’s sleep, I’ll be right there.

A person who loves, sees a need, and initiates action, even when there’s a sacrifice involved. It could be time, money or our own comfort, like Robbie’s chest getting cold. The paradox of God’s kingdom is that when we give something up, God replaces it. Luke 6:38 assures that when we give, we will receive … “a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over.”

As we live out the love of God, we should watch for opportunities to give to others with out being asked. It’s the mark of love to initiate selflessly. Thanks for the lesson Robbie.

My prayer for today: Heavenly Father, I praise you for loving us with such selfless love. You are wonderful in all your ways. I confess that I have not always loved others as I should. Please open my eyes to the needs of those around me so that I can show your love. In Jesus name, Amen.


In His Love,
Glynnis