Recently, my family left our church of ten years. It wasn't a swift decision, nor one made from anything anyone did. It's just that our church changed over time. We still love that church, and the people there. But we feel a bit like Abraham ... following God's leading without a clear destination.
As we visit churches, I'm finding an old enemy rearing its head in my heart: judgement.
God has convicted me of this dangerous sin over the years. Because sadly, it comes quite easily to me. It's starts with being quite opinionated. About everything. On one hand,my strong opinions keep me committed to my values and devoted to what and whom I love. I'm steadfast and loyal.
On the other hand, I can be critical.
Because I'm opinionated, I even have an opinion about being critical: it's really yucky because it keeps me from loving fully and being used by God fully.
So, my goal is to capture every critical thought before it sneaks past my mind and into my heart. You see, those initial thoughts aren't sin. It's what we do with those thought. It's letting critical thoughts marinate, and then season our choices of words and actions, that gets us into sin.
Back to the church visiting. I find I've got more opinions than I realized about music. Which isn't surprising since I've sung on worship bands for decades. But I've found myself critiquing the quality of the band and vocalists more than I should.
We've found one church we really like, but my husband and I both wish the worship band was a step-up in quality. This morning, I was thinking again about it and started considering what I would change if given a chance.
Before I could think another thought, God spoke clearly to me: What if I want it like that?
That effectively stopped my negative thoughts and redirected me. What if God wants that worship band just like it is? What if He intentionally called those people, at this time, to this act of service for a reason? Who am I to question His decisions? Or to judge His appointments?
Really, this question is good for me to remember when someone does something differently than I would.
God put me back into a place of following instead of trying to lead. And He stopped judgemental thoughts from going too far. If God decides to use me again in worship, it will be His choice. I know from experience He won't use me with thoughts like that.
So this morning I got a little talking-to from my Heavenly Father. He was gentle as always. And I needed to remember that God's doing just fine without my opinionated help.
In His Love,