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Monday, October 11, 2010

Yesterday I walked in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure.  It was my first time doing anything for breast cancer research, treatments and cures.  And it was an amazing experience. 

In spite of the sadness that lurks behind every pink shirt, and "In memory of" sign, there was infectious joy.  Perhaps it was a fresh embracement of life, a celebration of family and a resurgence of hope.   But really, there is comfort in know we are all in this together.

We share fallen less-than-perfect bodies, we share grief, we share fear.  And together those devastating emotional experiences have less power over us.

So yesterday, I walked in honor of my sister Helen Ann, who just finished her breast cancer treatment a few weeks ago, and my friends Candy and Jackie - two younger women who are survivors.  Plus, I walked in memory of my sweet cousin Monnie, who lost her fight with breast cancer a few years ago.

Some members of my small group.  Jackie, in pink, is a survivor!
Candy wasn't there, but her husband John (tall guy in back)
and daughter Brianna (middle) walked.
 I also walked in celebration of God's deliverance of my fear over breast cancer.  As a young women in my 20s I had two breast biopsies for benign lumps.  Since then, I've been vigilant, and fearful of any of the fibrocystic changes in my own breasts.  Plus, I dreaded October - knowing breast cancer awareness was going to be everywhere. 

Eight years ago, an unusual lump sent me into a tailspin, which was a culmination of years of fear.  For two weeks, until testing revealed it was nothing, I was a mess.  I couldn't eat; I couldn't sleep.  It was an unnatural oppression of fear.  And all my mature-Christian thinking couldn't get me out of it. 

I told my friends I was having tests, and I asked for prayers.  Plus, I prayed non-stop.  But I got no relief from the fear.

My, my niece Victoria and
my little sister Liz
Finally, through my husband's wisdom, God showed me that He gave me the answer in a dream just the previous month.  In the dream, I was standing in my kitchen with all my cabinets in a mess, doors broken off and contents strewn all over.  Even the wall had been knocked out.  I walked to where the wall once stood and looked out at black storm clouds coming my way.  I knew I had to get out of there, and I got on my hands and knees and crawled through a cage, until I entered someone else's house and was safe.

I had that dream weeks before the breast cancer scare, and couldn't understand its meaning.  But in an instant, God revealed it:   In order to escape the storm, I had to humble myself.

But Lord, I said.  I have humbled myself before You!  I've confessed all my fear.

He answered me:   Now confess it to others. Humble yourself before others.

God gave me James 5:16 as the healing for my fear:

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.  James 5:16 NIV

Finish line!
Was the fear my sin?  No.  Fear wasn't my sin.  Not being honest about the depth of my fear was my sin.  I immediately called a few people and in between sobs, confessed how afraid I was.

The healing was truly miraculous.  And I have never been the same.  I have never been held captive by fear again over my heath.  

So I did my own little victory walk yesterday.  And it felt really good.  Praise God!

In His Love,


Julie Gillies said...

What a honest, powerful post, Glynnis! Praise God for delivering you from controlling fear. Nothing is too difficult for Him. Nothing!

And congrats on walking in honor of all those you love who have survived breast cancer. May God annihilate cancer in each one of them.

Sharon Sloan - Joy In The Truth said...

Wow. Thank you for sharing all of that! Amazing.

Emily B said...

I walked last Saturday in our city's race...hadn't done it before, but what a blessing it was. My mother, myself and another girlfriend walked, then went to have brunch with several others, walkers and survivors. Those survivor ladies are super-fantastic! I was blessed to be able to spend a couple of hours with them! Looking forward to next year's race!

Jennifer said...

You got a big Amen out of me! In one year I lost my Mom to ovarian cancer and my mother-in-law to breast cancer. Two years later I lost my Grandmother to lung cancer. Cancer is something I fear and I struggle with. I keep those fears to myself mostly, not anymore! Thank you for opening my eyes to the foothold the devil had on me!!