Let a holy anger rise up in you!

Bullies!   The very word conjures a host of negative images in our minds. 

Mean girls.  Imposing teachers.  Thugs.  Gangs.  Raging bosses. 

No one likes a bully. 

And based on the comments on my blog this past weekend, bullies are a problem for children and adults.  They are a problem at school and church.  They are a problem in the workplace and in homes.  Bullies flourish where they are tolerated. 

Sadly, when someone has been victimized by a bully for any length of time, they feel powerless to do anything about it.   They are weakened.  Their self-esteem is crushed.  Fear closes off their options.  And the worst thing of all is when bullied people think they deserve it. 

What if you are a victim of bullying right now?  What should you do?

First, I want you to allow a holy anger to rise up in you.  This shouldn't be happening to anyone!  Allow God's passion for justice to flood through you.  God's justice isn't for other people - it's for you too.  Make sure your children know this too.

Too many of us are apathetic to injustice.  Hollywood and over-exposure to violence is a big part of this.  We can easily be dulled to civil wars across the world, and  hate crimes in our state.  So when a bully pushes us around, we don't like it, but we don't experience a righteous anger about it. 

Read the story of Jesus John 2:13-16

"When it was almost time for the Jewish Passover, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. In the temple courts he found men selling cattle, sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money. So he made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple area, both sheep and cattle; he scattered the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. To those who sold doves he said, "Get these out of here! How dare you turn my Father's house into a market!"

Jesus was angry.  He made a whip and chased away those "bullies" taking advantage of God's chosen ones coming to the temple.  Jesus' passion for God's people and God's holiness prompted His reaction.

Obviously, we shouldn't grab a whip and chase away bullies ... as much as we would like to.  But we clearly see God's heart for those who are taken advantage of.  God does not want anyone to be victimized by a bully, and we need to get that into our hearts.  We need to see ourselves as God sees us - worthy of being safe.  Worthy of being protected.  Worthy of being loved.

Once we have a right perspective of bullying, we can make a wise decision about what to do. 

Protecting ourselves from immediate harm is the most important thing to do.  Facing a bully might not be the wisest thing.  This might mean separating ourselves physically for at time.  But that's not all we should do.

On Wednesday, I'll post some common characteristics of bullied people.  If you are a parent, this will help you raise kids who are bully-proof.  If you are an adult, you might discover some habits that are making you an easy target.  This isn't a guarantee you'll never face a bully, but there is something you can do.

Now, I'd like to announce the winners of my book, "When Your Child is Hurting."   I'll announce them by the first part of their email addresses:  aroberts & dksester.  Congratulations.  I'll send you a personal email.

Please join me on Wednesday for more thoughts on bullying.

In His Love,

Glynnis

Should you stand up to a bully?

Welcome to those of you who are visiting after reading my devotion on Encouragement for Today.  If you haven't read it yet, you might want to pop over there first, then come back here. 

You might think the topic of bullying isn't fitting for a devotion.  Yet, throughout Scripture we see God's heart for those oppressed. 

He will judge the world in righteousness; he will govern the peoples with justice.  The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.   (Psalm 9:8-9)

Jesus was sent to bring hope and help to those oppressed.  He read these words written by the prophet Isaiah about Himself:

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor. "  (Luke 4:17-19)

And this same loving God calls us to a life of mercy and justice:

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.  (Micah 6:8)

I sense a call to action when it comes to bullies.  As I said in my devotion, tolerating offense willingly is one thing.  Submitting out of fear is another.  I believe it's time to empower our children to stand up to bullies and not pretend it isn't happening.  Because it is in alarming numbers.

So what can parents do if you think your child is being bullied?  Here are a few tips from my book, "When Your Child is Hurting:"

Identify if the actions are true bullying or just childish meanness.  A definition for bullying might be when one child or a group regularly torments another child psychologically or physically.

If it's bullying, allow your child to talk uninterrupted about the problem. Show compassion and empathy, but not anger. Let your child know you take his comments very seriously, but don’t over-react. Share your own experiences to let your child know she isn’t alone.

Then casually ask specifics such as:

• How long has it been going on?
• Where did it happen?
• Does any other adult know?
• Where are the adults when it’s happening?
• Did any other children witness the bullying?

 Refrain from interrogation techniques, and write down the answers without your child seeing you. 

If your child has any injuries to herself or her possessions, take photos.  Do this calmly, without making a big deal. 

By this point you probably want to take matters into your own hands, but don't.  It's important for your child to handle it as much as possible.  Remember, you are training him to deal with bullies the rest of his life. 

What you do next depends on the extent and the location of the offense. If something criminal happened, you have a responsibility to report it to the police. If it happened at school, a library, after-school program or other public place, you and your child together should report it to those authorities. If the offense was relatively minor, you can help your child deal with it one-on-one, and with God’s help, take steps now to avoid any further bullying.
 
Steps to avoid bullying
 
Some simple practices can help your bully-proof your child. I think most parents would agree that it’s better to be pro-active than re-active when it comes to bullies. Most experts agree on the following:

Connect with friends – Having a group of true friends is one of the best defenses against bullies. True friends affirm your child’s worth and value. True friends will stick up for your child in a difficult situation.  Empower your child to do the same for his friends.

Be direct – Teach your child to be honest and direct about what she wants or needs. This is a good training ground for setting healthy boundaries.

Respond calmly to a situation – When your child is hurt or offended, teach him to respond calmly, rather than give in to emotions and react. Taking a minute to think through a situation and formulate a response will help your child learn self-control and teach him relationship-building skills.

Stand up for yourself – As your child learns her worth is based in her position as a child of God, she begins to see her value. No one has the right to intimidate her, or her friends. There should be a sense of holy justice that rises up in us when we understand that fact. When someone bullies your child, she has the right, and the responsibility, to tell the bully to stop. This starts at home. Allow your child to speak his mind freely with respect.

Be assertive, not aggressive – Teach your child the difference between standing up for what is right, and retaliating. As Christians we follow a moral code of how to treat each other, given to us by a holy God. We have the right to speak out against injustice.

Teach social skills – We all need to learn how to live in community with others. If you see your child has a difficult time relating to children her age, spend some time going over rules of common courtesy.

I'd love to give away two copies of my book today.  Dealing with bullies is only one chapter.  I've filled it with practical ways to help your children deal with common problems.  I also think it will help parents do the same.

If you think it could help you, or someone you know, please leave a comment, with a way to contact you.  I'll announce a winner on Monday.

Thanks for joining me today.

In His Love,

Glynnis

*****************************************************************
It's Monday afternoon, and I'm happy to announce the winners of my book.  Please know I wish I could have given one to everyone one of you who posted.  Your stories touched my heart.

Since I can't, I'm happy to announce the winners by the first part of their email addresses:   aroberts & dksester.

I will email you privately to get your mailing address.  Thank you!

  

Raising a Brave Generation

I'd like to welcome any visitors who are reading my blog for the first time, or who visited from Encouragement for Today devotions. My devotion today was titled, "Raising Children with Moral Courage." You can read it by clicking here.

This hasn't been an easy part of parenting for me. You see, I tend towards being an over-protective and worried mom. My instinct is to pull my children in closer at the first scent of danger. And believe me when I say that raising three boys close in age involved lots of danger.

All three have the spirits of warriors and adventurers. There was no puddle deep enough or fence high enough that one of my three wouldn't try to battle their way through, over, under and beyond. Every stick became a sword, and towel a cape. Quite unlike their mama, who prefers a cozy couch and book to the wild life.

Back when they were small, I had to make a choice. Honestly, my husband sort of prodded me to do it. He recognized their amazing spirit, because he's got it too. So instead of trying to make them more like me (which would have been futile and sad) I realized I had help them become who God had already designed them to be. Which was bold boys who would become bold men.

I had to (and still do) choose to allow them to do things that seemed scary. But I didn't always do it right. One of my biggest regrets was when my oldest son wanted to take a mission trip. In junior high he spent a weekend at an orphanage in Mexico. He loved it and wanted to plan for a longer, more involved, trip to Honduras the following year.

Everything in me cringed in fear. And I let him know it. I listed every reason why it would be dangerous for him to go that far. He was too young, it was too expensive, and so on. Sadly, my son dropped the issue and never brought it up again.

The hard part about this task of raising brave children is there are real dangers in our world. Every day, a parent has to balance wisdom and risk. However, to be brave, there has to be a risk. If there is no challenge, it's not bravery.

The kingdom of God is advanced by men and women with moral courage. And faith is only strengthened by stepping out (often in fear) and discovering for yourself that God is faithful. But it must start at an early age. So what can parents do? Here are a few things to consider.

1) Address your own fear level. Is there any chance you might be over-protective and hinder your child from stepping out in faith?
2) Read about biblical virtues of faithful men and women. You'll find that many of the heroes of our faith did very brave and dangerous acts for God.
3) Teach your children the difference between being assertive and being aggressive. Christians should be assertive for the right reasons.
4) Let your children know you will support them for doing the right thing. We always told our children to stick up for the weak, and we would stand beside them to face the consequences.
5) Allow your child to do something for God you consider risky. Not unsafe or foolish. But risky.
6) Do something risky for God yourself, and allow your child to watch or participate.

Here are some quotes that inspire me:

1 Corinthians 16:13, “Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong.” (NLT)

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts. Aristotle

The world needs more brave women and men. We need more people who feel moral outrage over injustice, poverty, inequality, cruelty, hatred, bullying, lying, and all kinds of sinful behavior. And will be brave enough to do something about it. We can do something about it now with our children.

That's my prayer for my children and yours.

In His Love,
Glynnis