Yesterday I gossiped.
It's been eating me up since. I repeated something that didn't need to be repeated. It was critical and it wasn't necessary.
It was something that the person I was speaking to didn't need to know, and sadly, probably colored her attitude towards the person I spoke about.
And, truth be told, it probably colored her attitude about me.
What frustrates me most is I don't know exactly why I did it. We were speaking about a certain topic and I shared something I knew along the topic ... about someone else. It broke every rule I've ever set for myself, and every value I hold for myself.
Yet it showed me there's this little place inside me that still longs to be "in the know." So, I traded compassion and grace (values I treasure), for a moment of satisfaction. It wasn't worth it.
I've been confessing this since the words came out of my mouth. And fighting the feeling that I slimed myself. I should be so far beyond that sin ... but there it was.
It also showed me that as a sinner, I have the potential to sin every day. Which isn't a surprise.
What I should have done was be more self-aware of my potential to sin in that situation.
Maybe if I had prayed that morning about my words ... my thoughts ... my actions ...
Maybe if I had asked God to place a guard over my mouth ...
Maybe if I had prayed more for the person I gossiped about ...
It just struck me that today is Maundy Thursday. The day of the last supper our Lord and Savior had with His disciples. The day before Good Friday.
That night he got down on his knees and washed His disciples feet. He told them to become a servant to all.
Then He broke bread and poured wine and told them to remember His sacrifice.
He knew He was going to die the next day ... for them ... for their sins ... and for me.
And my sin.
So, there it is. His good, and my bad.
I am so thankful today that I don't have to wallow in that slime of my sin. That God has forgiven me, loves me and yet challenges me to go and sin no more.
In His Love,