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Monday, October 5, 2009

I'm so happy to welcome my friend Melanie Chitwood, as a guest blogger today. She is one of my partners in ministry at Proverbs 31, and an author and speaker as well. Her first book was published a few years ago titled "What a Husband Needs from His Wife," and God is using it in amazing ways to strengthen marriages. Melanie's next book is due out in January and will be for the husbands. Today, I asked Melanie to share some tips on how wives can invest in their husbands and their marriage.

Top Ten Tips for Turning Your Heart to Your Husband

When I think about marriage, I always think about the phrase, “The best of times and the worst of times.” My marriage has lots of ups and downs and God sure has used it to refine my character.

One thing I know: investing in your marriage pays off. God tells us in Galatians 6:7, “…for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.” So here are some ideas to sow into your marriage.

1. Make sure friendship with your husband is a top priority. Don’t let girlfriends, hobbies, work, kids, and other interests cause your life to be too crowded for friendship with your husband.

2. Have fun! Do something together you both enjoy (or used to enjoy). Laugh and get refreshed.

3. Thank God for 5 specific ways your husband is “it on a stick.”

4. Little things matter. Do the little things to invest in your marriage. Send a sweet email, make a favorite meal, do a chore he normally does, smile, tell him you respect his hard work ethic.

5. Zip your lips. God’s Word tells us there’s a time to speak and a time to be silent. Does your husband really need your advice, judgment or complaint?

6. Guard your heart – be careful what you watch on tv, read, conversations with others that make you feel like your husband is lacking.

7. Deal with unforgiveness today. Talk to God, confess, repent, ask God if you need to talk to your husband about the situation or if it’s something between just you and God.

8. Don’t replay in your head an argument you had with your husband. Let it go.

9. Be careful how you talk to others, including your mom, your best friend, and your kids, about your husband.

10. Your husband wants to be intimate with you in all ways, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. For a man often the easiest way to feel connected to his wife is to make love. Then he’ll be ready to connect with you emotionally. So have some fun in the bedroom!

From Melanie:
Thanks for reading today! A little about me – I live in Charlotte, NC with my husband and two sons where we spend a whole lot of time at our new business, Carolina Courts, an indoor basketball/volleyball facility. I serve with Proverbs 31 Ministries and have written What a Husband Needs from His Wife and What a Wife Needs from Her Husband (available January 2010). I’d love for you to visit me at www.melaniechitwood.com.

This is the last in my series of tips. I hope you've enjoyed them.

In His Love,


KelliGirl said...

These tips are excellent. It is SO easy to lose track of your husband and your relationship in the midst of the day-to-day. Often my husband ends up on the bottom of the list.

But he is the only person in my life with whom I stood before God and witnesses, and promised, "Yes I will. Til death do us part."

Marriage is a beautiful creation by God, but it definitely needs TLC to keep it going.

Michaela said...

Thank you for your wonderful tips. My husband and I have been married for almost two years, but I don't want our marriage to ever be apart of the divorce statistics, so I read christian books to ad to our marriage, or correct where there needs correction, etc. These tips came at a wonderful time. I have to keep in mind that my husband is my #1 friend and should always be in that position, after the Lord of course. I admit he is better at this than I am. It can be easy to get wrapped up in the everyday life sometimes and we can easily forget about that friendship that matters more than the others.

Mags said...

Excellent tips! Thanks for sharing. I at one time did all the opposites of what you listed. God came into my heart and took up permanent resident and I am so thankful I can look at my husband through God's lenses! My husband is definitely "it on a stick"!

Anonymous said...

After 26 years of marriage, you'd think we'd have it all down pat. But life throws you curves, and challenges even the closest relationships.

The revelation of realizing I want to invest in my marriage and not give up on it, has happened in just in the last day. This post couldn't have come at more defined time for me. I've spent the last year and a half bemoaning the loss of closeness in my marriage, realizing this happened over many years. I felt it was all lost. I know God can work miracles, and I've heard that He can even repair marriages. I decided to really put my heart into it, with God's urging, and now I have some tools to help my husband see the changes in me. Please pray for me, sisters, and for my marriage. I'm leaving this anonymously, but we are in Wisconsin. Thank you for your prayers.

Melanie said...

Thank you, ladies, for wanting to honor your marriage and invest in it. Anonymous, I will pray for you right now. I have heard countless stories of how God has redeemed and restored marriages.
Isaiah 43:19, "Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert."
Your hearts are in the right place and God will bless that!

Mariel said...

what great tips to remember! How easily I forget these things when face-to-face with my hubby on a shall we say "hormonal" week...It certainly helps to keep my focus on Christ and practice HIS presence in the room in the moment! Thank you for sharing this.


alice said...

Blogger alice said...

"...till death do us part" is what I keep reminding myself.
After 24 yrs. of marriage I often feel abandoned by my very busy husband. Our "midlife" status and all that goes with it (aging parents, aging children, thoughts of retirement security...endless) does not make it any easier. In fact, I would really like to just run away.
But, then, the Lord in His faithfulness, reminds me that THIS is the life that He has fashioned for me to mold me into what He wants me to be for His good purposes and to His glory.
So I ask Him to show me how to keep going, how to hold on to His peace and joy and not to hinder His work.
He is faithful.
I open my email this morning and find a handful of pass-a-longs that remind me of His love and forgiveness, and a Prov.21 newsletter that lead me to this blog about keeping your marriage fresh.
Can't say it enough, GOD IS FAITHFUL.
Thank you, Melanie for reminding me of Isiah 43:19. I'm taping it to my mirror right next to "Your youth is renewed like the eagle..."
The joy of the Lord is my strength!

Cheri said...

Lovin the tips. Going to think on 5 things tHAT MAKES MY HONEY "IT ON A STICK." He's a good man so that won't be hard. Number 10 is so true! It NEVER fails!!! :0)

Meg said...

I'm visiting you today from Lysa TerKeurst's site. I really enjoyed reading the tips Melanie left for today.
Tip number 1 & 5 spoke to me the most.
I forget sometimes that my husband really does need to be my number one friend. I can't become so caught up in other things that I forget this.
As for tip number five, ahem, I know that I often need to just zip my lips and let my husband take control. He likes my opinion at times, but he doesn't always need it.
Thanks for the food for thought:)

Digging for Pearls said...

Thanks for the encouragement Glynnis. I just recently posted about blessing and encouraging our husbands. Thanks for the reminder.


Anonymous said...

I am saving your 10 tips article for my daughter who is marrying in May 2010! lilcindylouwho ceddins965@yahoo.com