A warm welcome to any readers from my friend Karen Ehman's blog. Karen is sponsoring a Christmas give-away and today I'm her featured guest. If you want to participate in her giveaway, visit her blog. I'll be giving away a beautiful set of decorative file folders, so you might win!
I wanted to share a discussion I had with my 17-year-old son Josh a few days ago. He's got a girlfriend, who share remain nameless in this blog. I'm in the very early stages of navigating this new position of being the boyfriend's mom, and have already made my share of blunders. So mum is the word.
Anyway, hopefully she won't read this. But Josh called me over to the computer the other day to show me a necklace he'd like to buy for her. It was a lovely silver heart with some small diamonds in it. I commented on how beautiful it was, and how I was positive any girl would like it.
But later when we were alone, and after I had reflected on the idea of a diamond necklace, I asked Josh how long he had been dating this young lady. He told me two months. Now remember, this is new territory for me, so I'm still learned what I should and shouldn't say. But I couldn't seem to keep my opinion inside me. So I said, "Josh, I think two months is a little early to be giving a girl diamonds."
"Mom," he replied. In that tone of voice that implies that he knows so much more than me, and is way ahead of me in this thinking. "Those aren't really diamonds."
Fake diamonds? You can't give a girl fake diamonds!
By now my son was thoroughly confused. and asked me the question that stumped me, "Why not?"
Why not? hmmm. Why not? You just can't. That's why. Let me think about it. hmmm. You just can't.
This is why men can't understand women. There aren't always neat little answers to the simple questions they ask. The sooner my son learns that the better.
So now my son is stumped and so am I. Am I wrong? I think I'm right about the "no diamonds at 2 months thing" but I'm wondering about the fake diamonds thing.
If you have any wise words for this mom-of-the-boyfriend, I'd love to hear them.
Hope you have a less confusing day than I've had!
Love,
Glynnis
Friday, December 5, 2008
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7 comments:
I think thats a little early for jewellry in general. When I was in high school, a whopping 5 years ago... the big fad was for guys to actually go out and buy fairly large diamond (yes real!) "promise" rings. But they werent the promise rings as in the ones dad gives daughter for a vow of chastity. I never did get one, my boyfried throughout highschool, who is now my husband used to surpise me with roses on my desk in the next period every so often, or leave them on the car seat for me when he took me home. I still have a few of the figurines he bought me and surprised me with because he knew I liked them. I remember getting oodles of my favorite candy out of the blue as well. Perhaps mention some of these suggestions.
I know when I was their age, had my boyfriend presented me with any peice of jewelry, it would have made me feel very obligated to ALWAYS wear it and I would have thought the relationship was a very serious one. I did see how it affected my friends with their "rings". It screws with girls heads, especially young, romantic girls that have all the cliche'd romantic ideas in their head about what love really is. Hope this helps.
I agree that 2 months is a little early for jewelry. Somehow it adds pressure to the relationship.
As for fake diamonds? No, you can't give a girl fake diamonds? Why? I would have to say that when your presented with a diamond you are given a gift that carries an expectation of expense and thoughfulness. 1) the person probably had to save for it and 2) they have to really care about you to want to part with the money.
When you find out it's fake then you feel as if you weren't worth the real thing. You are somehow less special because you were not worth the "cost" of the real stone.
(this is all out of the window if you are a couple on a budget and both parties are okay with the fake stone until a real one can be afforded.)
Well, I came over to tell you how much I enjoyed your interview on Karen's blog. Your answers are MY answers! We'd be great friends :o)
As for the necklace predicament - just found that amazing as I just came home from Christmas shopping with my 16 year old son. He has a "friend girl" he has known now for 2 1/2 years, but for the past 3 months the friendship has definitely grown. We talked about how there's this fine line between too much and too little at this point. He wants her to know he thinks she's special, but doesn't want to do too much too soon. Even purchasing a card took a long time as he hunted for one to express what he really wanted to say. My son did not go the jewelry route - although he mentioned it in passing. I told him to wait and see how things go at Christmas...after all - there's always Valentine's Day :o) (To that response - he gave me a groan!)
Hope someone with more wisdom than I can help you,
Joy
Hi Glynnis, I have a daughter 25, and Twin Boy/Girl 21. Called my girls couldn't get them but I did ask my son. My son said jewelry that early is to soon. He said any girl that starts off that way is not a good thing.
Some gift ideas, Like Starbucks Cards, itunes, picture frames, girls love flowers.
Jewelry is too personal for 2 months.
Fake Diamonds are Fake. That's why you can't give a girl Fake and then want a Real relationship.
Our son is 23 and just got married and I can say, "Thank you, Lord" that another child has matured into an awesome adult. I think your "gut feeling" is good... it's early and guys really appreciate our guidance. They are in uncharted waters and mine never seemed to mind my suggestions.
I have girls too and jewelry is okay if it's a necklace or bracelet and NOT EXPENSIVE!
Glynnis,
I have no advice for you. But I'll await to hear the rest of your story. You are ahead of me on this one and I smile as I watch you go first!
Love you,
Melissa
I think two months is a little soon for jewelry too. Unless MAYBE an inexpensive pair of earrings that match a favorite outfit,etc. Maybe a picture frame (with a picture of the two of them in it?) or a bouquet of flowers? how about a calendar with a different scene of the two of them for each month? or places they have been. You can make those yourself fairly inexpensively at office places.
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